Mentalia
by AddienaTheBlueSpirit
Summary: The Pilot episode of the Mentalist with a Hetalia twist. Lili Zwingli and Feliks are found dead...Alfred Jones is working with CBI to help stop the man who killed his lover and his child. Arthur is trying to keep Alfred under control. Read. Review. RateT
1. Prologue: Seeing Red

Chapter Cast:

North Italy- Feliciano Vargas as Grace Van Pelt

Germany-Ludwig Beilshmidt as Wayne Rigsby

Japan-Kiku Honda as Kimball Cho

America-Alfred F. Jones as Patrick Jane

England/Britain/UK-Arthur Kirkland as Teresa Lisbon

France-Francis Bonnefoy

Seychelles- Victoria de Quincy-Bonnefoy

Monaco- Edeline Bonnefoy

Hungary-Elizabeta Hedervary

Liechtenstein-Lili Zwingli

Poland-Feliks Lukasiewicz

Switzerland-Vash Zwingli

Estonia-Eduard von Bock

Latvia-Ravis Galante

Lithuania-Toris Laurinatis

Ukraine-Katyusha Braginskaya

Denmark-Mathias Kohler

Finland-Tino Vainamoinen

Austria-Roderich Eldenstein

Belgium-Bella

Prologue: Seeing Red

Two men approached a cop outside of a mansion. One is Arthur Kirkland, a detective for the CBI. The other man is Alfred F. Jones, a false psychic and a CBI consultant with Agent Kirkland's team. Arthur has a strong British accent, unkept blond hair and bright green eyes. He's the type of person who has a short fuse, hates people who don't take things seriously. Alfred is the exact opposite. He has a flair for drama, scheming, and finding his way around the law. He had Blond hair as well as bright stunning blue eyes and glasses.

Kirkland stopped directly in front of the cop, "Captain."

"Agent Kirkland." Captain Eldenstein said with a curt nod, "Don't think we'll be needing you guys. We like the neighborhood kid who found the body."

"Did he confess?" Kirkland asked.

"Eh, he's a real squirrel. I'd say…" Alfred tuned them out. The press are asking the Carriedo kid if he committed the murder, while Jones watches on.

"Edeline's father would like to give a brief statement."

"I just want to take a moment and thank everyone in law enforcement and all the volunteers who helped us in the search for our beloved daughter. The way that this entire community has come together to support moi and Victoria in this terrible time has been a great comfort to us. And now I would just like to ask that you give us some time and space and privacy to grieve for our daughter…" the man speaking is Francis Bonnefoy, a french billionaire, with a flowing blonde hair, enviting blue eyes. Beside him was his wife, Victoria de Quincey Bonnefoy. Who looked angry and frustrated every time her husband tried to embrace her.

Jones goes into the house and made a pot of tea and a sandwich for himself a moment later Victoria Bonnefoy walked in. She was a brilliant woman, who commanded attention, Her hair was a silky brown, her eyes we a warm golden color.

"Hello, Mrs. Bonnefoy." Jones stated, conversationally.

Victoria looked startled, "Who are you?"

"My name's Alfred F. Jones." he stated, "I'm here to help you. Would you like a cup of tea?"

Victoria smiled slightly, "Yes, I would. Thank you."

"You must be tired." Said Alfred, "Why don't you sit down?"

Alfred and Victoria sat at the table and drink tea.

"Calm. I've been watching you and your husband and I want you to know that I understand what you're feeling right now." He stated giving her a reassuring smile.

Victoria sighed, "You have no idea. Believe me."

"I do. I know." He said softly, "I know and I want to help you."

"You can't help me." Victoria said darkly, "What do you know?"

Alfred smiled lazily, "All sorts of things. You really only pretend to like skiing, right?"

"Yes, but…"

"You're pleased that your best friend recently gained weight, about ten pounds. You wish you'd been more adventurous when you were younger. You love India, but you've never been there. You have trouble sleeping. Your favorite color is blue."

Victoria stared at him, "I don't understand. You're...you're psychic?"

Alfred shook his head, "No. Just paying attention. I used to make a good living pretending to be a psychic. I tell you this because I want you to understand there's no point hiding things from me."

"Hiding what?"

Alfred leaned in. "You know what I see when I look at your husband? I see a warm, loving, generous man. A little vain maybe. Selfish. Controlling. But a decent man."

"Oui."

"SO why do you suspect him of murdering your daughter?" Alfred asked.

"I don't." she forced out, "The Carriedo boy did it."

"Yes, that's what the police say." said Alfred, "But you think they're wrong. Why?"

"I do not know, I do not know! I…" Victoria stutted

"Tell me." Alfred said softly.

Victoria sighed, "Last year they had been so strange with each other. And neither one would admit that anything was wrong and I think that...I think that she tried to tell me once, and I didn't...I...God. Oh God."

"Did you ask him if he killed her?"

Victoria laughed cruelly, "What would he say?"

Alfred shrugged, "Most wives can tell when their husbands are lying."

"Oui. Oui. I...I don't want tea. The Carriedo boy did it."

"Maybe." Alfred shrugged.

"You think he did it, too?" Victoria asked.

"I trust a mother's instinct." Alfred replied.

Francis Bonnefoy swaggered into the room, stopping when he saw Alfred.

"Vic. There you are. 'ello. Who are you?"

"I'm the police." Alfred replied, "Did you kill your daughter?"

Francis looked furious, "How dare you?"

"I asked you a simple question, sir." Alfred stood up, glaring darkly at Mr. Bonnefoy, "Did you kill your daughter?"

"Non, I did not kill my daughter!" Francis yelled. Victoria whimpered. "Now you get the hell out of my house! Vic? Vic, what's the matter with you?" Victoria left the room. "I'm going to have your badge!"

"An innocent man would have punched me by now." Mused Alfred.

"I am going to make life miserable for you! You come in here. You accost my wife. You cause trouble…" Francis was stopped by Victoria who had walked in with a gun pointed at him. "Vic. Vic, honey, please…"

Victoria pulled the trigger, tears streaming down her face, her eyes closed tight.

Outside Kirkland and some officers heard the shot and came running into the house. Alfred had his hands in the air and Victoria dropped the gun and walked out into the garden.

Alfred gave Arthur a look halfway between cringing and smirking, "Honestly, it's not as bad as it looks."

Arthur gave Alfred an exasperated look before running after Victoria. "Mrs. Bonnefoy. Mrs. Bonnefoy!


	2. Chapter 1: Red Tape

Cast:

**Country-Human Name**

North Italy- Feliciano Vargas (as Grace Van Pelt)

Germany-Ludwig Beilshmidt (as Wayne Rigsby)

Japan-Kiku Honda (as Kimball Cho)

America-Alfred F. Jones (as Patrick Jane)

England/Britain/UK-Arthur Kirkland (as Teresa Lisbon)

France-Francis Bonnefoy

Seychelles- Victoria de Quincy-Bonnefoy

Monaco- Edeline Bonnefoy

Hungary-Elizabeta Hedervary

Liechtenstein-Lili Zwingli

Poland-Feliks Lukasiewicz

Switzerland-Vash Zwingli

Estonia-Eduard von Bock

Latvia-Ravis Galante

Lithuania-Toris Laurinatis

Ukraine-Katyusha Braginskaya

Denmark-Mathias Kohler

Finland-Tino Vainamoinen

Austria-Roderich Eldenstein

Belgium-Bella

Chapter One: Red Tape

Two weeks later in Palm Springs, California, two men named Vash Zwingli and Eduard von Bock got out of a car in front of a big house and began to get golf clubs from the back of the car. Vash was the"cool" type, a long haired blond. Eduard, also a blond, had short hair and glasses and an over all nerdier in appearance.

"Then the son of a bitch eagles seventeen. Are you kidding me? On that course! A damn eagle."

Eduard put a hand on his cousin's shoulder, "That course never suited you, Vash. You'll do better in Orlando. We have a nice spot on the draw."

"Well, I tell you what, Ravis Galante can kiss my butt."

They entered the house together. Their cheerful banter forgotten when they found a dead man with long blond hair lying on the floor of the sitting room, his head crushed with a golf club. In the bed room is a dead girl on the bed, a smiley face drawn in blood was on the far wall.

"Lili? Lili?" Vash cried out, running to where the girl lay dead.

At Palm Springs International Airport Agents Kirkland, Honda, Beilshmidt, and Vargas walked along the concourse. Kiku Honda is an athletic looking Japanese man. In contrast is Ludwig Beilshmidt, a tall blond German man who towered over the other three. Feliciano Vargas, a lithe Italian redhead.

Vargas stopped at the baggage carousels.

"Sorry…" he said quickly.

Kirkland looked furious, "You checked luggage? What, are you on a bloody holiday?"

Vargas looked terrified, "No, sir. Won't do it again."

Kirkland sighed, rubbing his forehead. "When your trousseau arrives, pick up the second rental and go direct to the Sheriff's department. Hustle us up a couple of rooms, furniture, and phone lines."

Vargas nodded eagerly, "Yes, Sir."

Kirkland looked at Honda and Beilshmidt, "Come on. Let's go."

Riverside County Morgue. Kirkland, Honda, and Beilshmidt were walking up a path when a taxi pulled up. Jones stepping out and greeting them."Morning everybody. How was your flight?"

Arthur sighed, "Go away, Alfred, you're on suspension."

Alfred ignored Arthrur as he paid the cab driver, "Thank you." He told the man.

Alfred runs to catch up with Arthur. "Mandated leave. Ends next week."

Kirkland glared, "So come back next week."

Alfred went back to ignoring him, "Hot enough for you?"

"Which one of you Git's told him?" Arthur glared, "It was you, wan't it, Honda?"

"Yes, it was."

Alfred gave Arthru a glair, "Of course he called me. It's the Russian. You can't keep me out of this. Why would you want to?"

Kirkland looked furious, "You bloody well got a man killed! There are bloody consequences!"

"A man that murdered his daughter because she wouldn't have sex with him anymore." Alfred reminded him.

"You didn't know that!" Arthur yelled, before collecting himself, "You did not know that. If she hadn't left a bloody diary…"

"But she did, though." Alfred pointed out, "Be reasonable. This is my case."

"Your case?" Kirkland asked against his better judgement.

"The Russian is mine." Alfred said coldly.

Kirkland gave Jones a pointed look, "The Russian doesn't belong to anyone."

Jones and Kirkland stopped in front of the doors. Honda and Beilshmidt hurried inside, wisely staying out of the others' argument.

"It's not my call. Rules are rules. Come back next week." Arthur turns to the security guard at the door, "Don't let this wanker past." just then Kirkland's phone rang, "Boss…


	3. Chapter 2: Red Rose

Cast:

**Country-Human Name**

North Italy- Feliciano Vargas (as Grace Van Pelt)

Germany-Ludwig Beilshmidt (as Wayne Rigsby)

Japan-Kiku Honda (as Kimball Cho)

America-Alfred F. Jones (as Patrick Jane)

England/Britain/UK-Arthur Kirkland (as Teresa Lisbon)

France-Francis Bonnefoy

Seychelles- Victoria de Quincy-Bonnefoy

Monaco- Edeline Bonnefoy

Hungary-Elizabeta Hedervary

Liechtenstein-Lili Zwingli

Poland-Feliks Lukasiewicz

Switzerland-Vash Zwingli

Estonia-Eduard von Bock

Latvia-Ravis Galante

Lithuania-Toris Laurinatis

Ukraine-Katyusha Braginskaya

Denmark-Mathias Kohler

Finland-Tino Vainamoinen

Austria-Roderich Eldenstein

Belgium-Bella

Chapter Two: Red Rose

Kirkland, Honda, and Beilshmidt were standing inside the morgue with the M.E., Bella, looking at a dead body.

Bella addressed the team, "We have Feliks Lukasiewicz, Caucasian, male, 43, single. We haven't opened him up yet, but burn marks…"

Jones entered and stood next to Kirkland and Alfred leaned closer to Arthur and whispered, "Sorry I went over your head. I'll redeem myself. I promise." Then showed his ID to Bella.

Kirkland glared, "If you want redemption, be silent."

"Okay. I can learn to do that."

Kirkland looked murderous, "Shh." He turned to Bella. "Sorry."

"…but burn marks here indicate that the victims was subdued with a stun gun, standard civilian model, by the look of it. Death appears to be causes by several blows to the back of the skull, consistent with a bloodied golf club found at the scene." Bella walked over to a different body, "The female is Lili Zwingli, 27, married, no children. They were found at her listed residence. T.O.D. looks to be early Saturday evening. On Lili we have the same stun gun marks, followed by binding with tight black plastic ligatures, frenzied cutting, and stabbing assault to the torso and subsequent abuse of the viscera."

"Textbook for the Russian." said Honda in his usual monotone.

Kirkland sighed, just what he needed, "Who found the bodies?"

"This one's husband, coming home from the airport Sunday morning with his cousin." Kiku said. "He's a pro golfer."

Beilshmidt looked interested, "Oh, yeah?"

Honda looked at him, "Vash Zwingli."

Beilshmidt shrugged.

"What's their connection," asked Arthur, "Do we know?"

Honda sighed, "He's on file as one of her physicians."

Kirkland looked confused, "Making a house call?"

Beilshimidt sighed,"Lovers?" he asked.

Alfred looked down at Feliks, "No. This one's gay."

"Dr. Vainamoinen might know what they relationship was." Bella said helpfully,

"He's here to make a formal ID."

"Okay." Kirkland sighed.

The agents approach Dr. Vainamoinen in the morgue's hallway.

"Dr. Tino Vainamoinen?" the man nodded. "Hello. I'm Agent Arthur Kirkland, California Bureau of Investigation. What's your connection to the victims?"

"Well, I work with Feliks - Dr. Lukasiewicz - and the Zwingli family are long-time clients of our practice."

"Are house calls normal at your practice?" Arthur asked.

"No. Feliks and Lili were close friends." Tino replied.

Ludwig asked, "Lovers?"

Tino ran a hand through his hair, "No, he was gay." Alfred looked smug, and Arthur resisted the urge to groan. "No, they were just friends. What in God's

name happened to them?"

Ludwig sighed, "Looks like the Russian."

"Who's the Russian?"

"We don't know who did this." Agent Kirkland said, giving Ludwig a pointed stare, "We'll be in touch, probably. Thank you."


	4. Chapter 3: Written in Red

Chapter Three Written In Red

The agents were at the Zwingli house with a CSI tech named Jett Edgecombe. Jett was yet another blond, who seemed way too into his work for his own good.

"The Russian enters here. Excuse me. He comes around here. He waits for her, expecting her to come in alone. Only thing, her friend Lukasiewicz chose the wrong night to come over for a Richard Gere and ice cream orgy. So the Russian zaps them both with his trusty gun and...excuse me...grabs a five iron from the bag here and BAM! Crushes Lukasiewicz's skull. Then takes his sweet time dealing with Lili how he likes. She's a nice athletic girl, so unless he's pretty strong, I guess he grabbed her by the arms…" Acting out the scene to the best of his ability.

Jones wandered at this point to where Lili was killed. We see the blood stain on the bed and the smiley face on the wall.

_Jones is before an audience, who are all quiet and motionless. Cameras are all on him._

_"He says that he's sorry for all the pain he caused you and your mother. Deeply sorry. He asks you to forgive him. Can you do that, Katyusha? He needs to hear it."_

_Katyusha was weeping and nodding._

_Katyusha sighed, "I forgive you, Daddy. I forgive you." _

_"Oh, yes. He's smiling now. here are tears of joy. He says God bless you and keep you. He's gone." Jones came out of his trance and took a seat with Toris and Elizabeta, the talk show hosts, as the audience claps._

_Elizabeta smiled laughing, "Amazing. Amazing. Amazing."_

_Toris laughed, too, "She's amazed. Alfred." _

_"One second." _

_"Give him some time, Toris."_

_"Absolutely. Come on back to us."_

_Alfred looks somber, "I'm back. Thank you." he smiles lightly. _

_Elizabeta grins, "He's back." She laughs._

_"So, Alfred, I understand that you're also sort of a paranormal detective. Is that right?"_

_Alfred shrugs, "I try to help the police when I can."_

_"And you're helping them hunt this scary serial killer what's his name?"_

_"The Russian." Elizabeta supplies. _

_"The Russian." Toris amends. _

Edgecombe was still about to have an orgasm as he goes over the crime scene, "There she blows. The classic Red John smiley face. Drawn in the victim's blood clockwise with three fingers of his right hand wearing a rubber kitchen glove. I'm stoked to finally see one in the flesh."

"This isn't the Russian." Alfred said bluntly.

Edgecombe rolled his eyes. "Ri-i-ight." he said sarcastically.

Alfred sighed, "The Russian thinks of himself as a showman, an artist. He has a strong sense of theater. In all of the previous killing, he made sure that the first thing that anyone sees is the face on the wall. You see the face first and you know. You know what's happened and you feel dread. Then, and only then, do you see the body of the victim. Always in that order. Here it's the opposite. The first thing you see is the body and you have to look around to see the face on the wall." He explains, "It doesn't play nearly as well, does it?"

Kirkland looks disturbed, "Depends on your taste, I suppose."

"No. Come on." said Alfred, trying to prove his point. "The killer could have painted on the correct wall, here. But he didn't because he didn't know better because he isn't the Russian."

Edgecombe still didn't buy it, "Wow. Interesting."

"You know what your problem is, my friend?" Alfred said, getting in Jett's face, "You enjoy your work a little too much. You're a ghoul. If you don't get horny reading Fangoria, I'm Britney Spears."

Edgecombe became both angry and humiliated, "I resent that!"

Kirkland glared at Arthur, "This is you trying to redeem yourself, it is?"

Alfred bit back a retort, "I'm sorry. He irks me. He's irksome. You don't need me here." Alfred pointed towards Edgecombe as he left.


	5. Chapter 4: Russian Roulette

** Cast:**

**Country-Human Name**

North Italy- Feliciano Vargas (as Grace Van Pelt)

Germany-Ludwig Beilshmidt (as Wayne Rigsby)

Japan-Kiku Honda (as Kimball Cho)

America-Alfred F. Jones (as Patrick Jane)

England/Britain/UK-Arthur Kirkland (as Teresa Lisbon)

France-Francis Bonnefoy

Seychelles- Victoria de Quincy-Bonnefoy

Monaco- Edeline Bonnefoy

Hungary-Elizabeta Hedervary

Liechtenstein-Lili Zwingli

Poland-Feliks Lukasiewicz

Switzerland-Vash Zwingli

Estonia-Eduard von Bock

Latvia-Ravis Galante

Lithuania-Toris Laurinatis

Ukraine-Katyusha Braginskaya

Denmark-Mathias Kohler

Finland-Tino Vainamoinen

Austria-Roderich Eldenstein

Belgium-Bella

Chapter Four: Russian Roulette

In the Sheriff's office, Feliciano Vargas was unpacking things still and Kirkland, Honda, and Beilshmidt were running through crime scene footage from previous the Russian cases on a laptop. The footage shows the smiley face first and then the body.

"So yes." Arthur said Reluctantly, "This one doesn't fit the pattern."

"So Jones-san was right. We do have a copycat." Said Honda, running his hand through his hair.

"Or we have the Russian trying new things." Arthur reminded them, "Or we have the Russian making a mistake. We don't know. We'll work the evidence until we do know. Go talk to the husband."

"Will do, Boss." said Beilshimdt, still not getting up.

Kirkland snapped at them. "What are you waiting for?"

As soon as Ludwig and Kiku left, Arthur made a quiet phone call.

"Hey. So, you might be right about this case Might be. Thanks for the insight."

The person on the other end, obviously Alfred, said something in response,

"No, did I say that? I'm acknowledging the fact that you might be right, that's all. I mean, if you wanted to come back, I couldn't stop you."

Arthur's eye twitched at whatever Alfred said, "Yeah, fine, I'm asking you to come back."

Arthur was becoming increasingly angry with each of Alfred's comments, "Because…because you're useful to the team." Alfred said something mocking on the other line, "No! No, I won't say 'please,' go screw yourself!"

Kirkland slammed his phone shut and put his head in his hands. "Wanker…"

Not even a minute later Jones walked in behind him. Vargas went up to greet him.

"Good morning." Alfred said.

"Can I help you?" Vargas asked skeptically.

"You must be Vargas." Alfred said, beaming at the redhead, "A pleasure. Alfred F. Jones."

Vargas instantly brightened, "Oh, hi! Good to meet you! Agent Honda said you'd left town."

"Nope!" Alfred replied, "Nowhere to go."

Vargas smiled, "Okay. Uh...do you want that desk over there or this one? I mean, that one gets more light."

"That one. More light, by all means." said Alfred.

Vargas nodded and smiled.

Jones walked up to Kirkland's desk. "Very pleasant addition to the Serious Crimes family."

Kirkland look up from the paperwork he'd been doing, "Oh, hi, when did you get here?"


	6. Chapter 5: Red Card

**Chapter Five: Red Card**

Kiku and Ludwig were at the Zwingli house with Vash and Eduard, who were watching a video of Lili. She and Vash were having a war with water guns.

Vash sighed, "I lost a beautiful, precious angel."

"Yes, sir. Good-looking woman." Kiku replied, "I'm jumping right in, if you don't mind, Vash. You missed the tournament cut on Friday, yes? But you didn't come home until Sunday. What did you do with the rest of your time in Fresno?"

Vash glared, "I get this. You guys can't catch the real killer, so you want to lay this one on me?"

"No, sir." Ludwig said, stepping between Kiku and Vash, "If we have confirmation of where you were, it lets us exclude you from the investigation."

Vash was still glaring as he said, "I was with a massage therapist."

"Name?" Kiku asked.

"It had Lady in there somewhere." said Vash, not really trying to remember.

Eduard groaned, "It'll be on his credit card bill."

Vash nodded gratefully to his brother before saying rudely, "There you go. Pleasure meeting you."

* * *

Kirkland and Jones were in Dr. Vainamoinen's office. Dr. Vainamoinen is looking up records on his computer. Jones is prowling around the office, which has a lot of African decor.

"…we're a full service private practice. We deliver primary care, cosmetic surgery, psychotherapy, sports medicine, you name it."

"What's the African connection?" Alfred asked.

"It's what this place is all about. Half of our profits go to build and staff basic health clinics in poor African communities. Well, here we are. It's a thin file. Lili was a healthy young woman."

Kirkland sighed mentally, "Psychiatric history?"

"She didn't have one."

"STDs? Abortions? Unexplained injuries?"

"No." Tino replied, "Aside from routine check-ups with me, it's all Feliks. All aesthetic work."

"Did Feliks keep a diary?" Arthur was contemplating punching the consultant in the face as Alfred said, "Our last case was solved because the victim kept a diary."

"A diary?" Tino contemplated, "I don't think so."

"Getting back to Lili Zwingli." Arthur said, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration, "How was her marriage do you think? Happy? Unhappy?"

"About six months ago, Dr. Lukasiewicz asked my advice. Lili had asked him to get her a year's supply of birth control pills off the books, which is strictly against AMA code. I said sure, do it. I mean, better us than some Tijuana drugstore." as if that answered the question.

Kirkland hoped he didn't look as interested as he felt, "Why the secrecy?"

Tino just smirked as he said, "Vash Zwingli had a vasectomy. April of '02."

Jones chuckled and Arthur resisted the urge to smack him across the face.

"If there's anything else I can do…" Tino let the sentence drop.

Kirkland gave a strained smile, "We appreciate that."

"Actually, there is." said Alfred, "I'm out of sleeping pills. Can you fix me up? Anything strong will do."

"Sure." Tino replied, "Come in for a consultation. We'll squeeze you in this afternoon."

"Oh. No. I was hoping to get something now. Trying to avoid the chit chat." Alfred said.

"I'm sorry." said the doctor, "I wouldn't be comfortable prescribing without some sort of chit chat."

"I understand. No problem. I'll call you, maybe." said Alfred.


	7. Chapter 6: Red String

Chapter 6-Red String

"I like the husband for it. He hires some hooker he knows to create an alibi, flies home, filets the spouse, flies back again. It's a classic elaborate and clever, but ultimately stupid, plan." said Kiku said, shoving sushi into his mouth.

Jones arched an eyebrow, "Have you looked at his PGA tournament record?"

"Not bad. 6 mill career earnings." Honda replied.

"For coming in second and third." Jones pointed out, "You put him on the 18th tee with a big win on the line, like night follows day, he'll shank it. He's a choker. He doesn't have the nerve to kill his wife. Didn't do it."

Kirkland gave an exasperated sigh, "Are you suggesting we drop a prime suspect because he's never won a major?"

"Oh, no, no, no. I'm just making idle conversation." Alfred clarified.

Jones made a straw follow his finger and had it roll cross the table as thought pulled by magnetism.

Vargas looked intrigued. "Ve...How'd you do that?"

Jones smirked. "Telekinesis."

"He blew on it." said Honda.

Jones lip twitched, "That is another way to do it."

Vargas gave a nervous look, "Mr. Jones, I have a question regarding your previous career path."

Jones smiled reassuringly, "Fire away."

"When you met with other psychics, real psychics, could they yell you were just pretending?" He asked.

Jones sighed, "There's no such thing as real psychics."

"I beg to differ. My brother Lovino is a psychic."

"Then your brother is deluded, dishonest, or both." Jones replied.

Ludwig glared, "Hey, steady."

Vargas sighed, "Vey, Vey. He's entitled to his opinion. He's wrong, though. Lovi has power. He can communicate with the other side. I've seen him do it myself."

"He let you speak with someone that's gone." He asked.

"Yes."

"Someone that you love and still miss very much."

"Yes."

"You wanted his power to be real so it was."

"No."

"You're so sure you're right." said Ludwig, rolling his eyes, "Science doesn't know everything."

Feliciano nods, "Five hundred years ago, radio would have seemed like magic."

Ludwig smiled, "Exactly."

"Five hundred years in the future, it could be totally normal to communicate with the other side."

"The other side? Your father's a football coach, yeah?"

Vargas looked taken back, "How did you know that?"

"It's obvious from your whole demeanor." Jones said it very off hand, "My point is, didn't dad always say life is like football? When that final whistle blows, the game is over, done. There is no more. There is no other side. This is it. Lobster and bread rolls and nautical kitsch and then psssh. Nothingness."

Vargas shakes his head, "You poor, sad man. The kingdom of God is a real place."

"Okay. Later tonight when Beilshmidt asks you to come back to his hotel room…" Ludwig choked_._ "Say yes."

"Excuse me?" Feli asked.

"I know. You were planning on refusing him very curtly. First week on the job, you want to set a tone. No funny business. But why not? Ludwig is an excellent lover, I'm sure. Tough, but fair, right? Right." Alfred smirked.

"The kingdom of God is a real place, Mr. Jones. And you have an immortal soul." Said Feli.

"Oh, I do so hope you're wrong."

**********************************MENTALIA******************************************

An elevator door opened and Honda got out leaving Vargas and Ludwig alone.

"Goodnight." the doors closed again.

"Alone." said Vargas.

Ludwig watched as the door closed, "Later."

The two rode up alone, embarrassed. The elevator stopped and opens again.

"This is me." Ludwig says as he gets out. "Welcome to the unit, Agent Vargas."

"Ve! Thank you, Agent Beilshmidt."


End file.
